It’s perfectly normal to be anxious or apprehensive about anal sex. After all, that area deals with some pretty, non-sexy situations. However, anal sex can be so pleasurable and is absolutely worth trying out, keep in mind things can go wrong if not done properly. Here are a few tips to make sure it has positive outcomes:

1. Talk It Over With Your Partner

Anal sex is not something that just spontaneously happens. Some people are very uncomfortable with the thought of anything entering their anus. This means, as a couple, you need to have a conversation and determine if it’s the right time for the two of you to try it out. This conversation should not happen fifteen minutes before trying anal sex! This is a conversation that should happen days, maybe even weeks before.



2. Preparing for Anal Sex

Prepare your anus to be penetrated, here’s what you can do to get started:

  1. Make sure to have a bowel movement and clean the area before having anal sex. This will strongly decrease the chances of passing a bowel movement during or after anal penetration. Some people prefer to shave or wax the area, but that’s completely up to you. Remember, the hair on your body is completely normal and you should not feel obligated to remove any of it.
  2. You’ll definitely want lots of lube. A vagina self-lubricates during arousal, but the anus does not. In order to make it pleasurable (because it can really hurt without lubrication) you need to both lube the inside of your anus and the outside of the penis before insertion. Wearing a condom not only helps with lubrication but is also super important because STIs are more easily transmitted during anal sex.



Be prepared, initially, anal penetration can feel similar to having a bowel movement, especially for beginners. That feeling is completely normal and usually goes away after continued stimulation. It’s important to be comfortable enough to tell your partner how you’re feeling, or ask them to stop if it becomes too intense or uncomfortable for you.

Don’t forget – accidents can happen! I personally have never experienced a bowel movement during or immediately after anal sex, but some people have and it does not make you gross in any way if this happens. Your partner needs to be mature enough to understand they are inserting something into an area that produces fecal matter. (But it is a rather rare occurrence if you’ve prepared beforehand, so don’t be too worried).



3. Explore Anal Stimulation

Not to be blunt, but don’t just shove a dick up your ass. You and your partner should explore anal stimulation prior to anal sex. Try having your partner tease and finger your anus during foreplay or oral sex to get you used to anal pleasure.

Buy a butt plug! These are great additions to every bedroom. There are plenty of reviews of butt plugs on this website to browse through and find a great one that matches you and your partner’s needs. I recommend using a butt plug during vaginal stimulation. Also, don’t forget the lube!



4. Take Control

Anal sex can be uncomfortable initially. It is usually uncomfortable because the penis is entering too quickly, or there is not enough lubrication. In order to avoid this problem, there are sex positions that can help.



Spooning: by lying in the spooning position, with your leg facing the ceiling, lifted and bent towards your chest, this will open your anus. That allows your partner to enter the area and keep your body relaxed and help prevent your muscles from getting tense.

On Top: This is the best position for beginners trying out anal sex because it puts control in the situation. That way, if it’s a first time the person on top can take it slow, controlling both the speed and depth of their partner’s movements.

A difficult beginner position to have anal sex in is doggy. It’s usually depicted this way in porn – but as we all know, porn is not an accurate representation of sex. Kneeling in doggy actually tenses up the muscles near the pelvis, and puts the person behind in complete control. This can cause discomfort, and even tearing if they are too rough or big. Some people find this position puts more pressure on the g-spot though, so experiment at your own risk!  It’s important to be very careful during anal sex because cuts or tears in the anus can get more infected than normal cuts, as they are exposed to bacteria and waste.



5. Vaginal Stimulation

It is extremely important to not go from anal sex to vaginal sex without properly cleaning the penis and/or changing the condom. Even if the penis looks clean, there is still bacteria from the bowels that can cause UTI’s or other vaginal infections. It is super important that no bacteria from the anus enters the vagina during or after sex.

Anal sex is sometimes not pleasurable on its own and many women enjoy vaginal stimulation during anal sex. Whether this means you or your partner are fingering the area, or you use a toy of some sort, do it up! This will help you climax, and enjoy anal sex more. The more aroused you are, the more your muscles in the entire area will relax, making anal sex much more pleasurable.