It’s the day you’ve feared since your first sex ed class. The day all slutty girls spend the better part of their teens and 20s desperately trying to avoid: The day you take your first positive pregnancy test. You weren’t planning for this to happen. You took all the precautions (or at least you took the pill when you remembered, hoped he pulled out in time when that guy talked you into going raw dog, or took Plan B when the condom broke…) Whatever the circumstances, your hour has come, and – barring death, miscarriage, or a terminated pregnancy – you’re going to have a baby. Allow me to hold your hand as we walk through the five stages of grief associated with an unplanned pregnancy.

1. Denial

It’s only natural to overanalyze the set of thin pink lines on the pee stick. You’ll start to wonder things like if the second line is really dark enough to be considered a line or if it’s just a shadow and if maybe you got a dud. Then you’ll want to take another test (or five) to be sure, but First Response is fucking expensive, so maybe you’ll settle for the cheap ones at The Dollar Tree. But then you’ll wonder if those can be trusted, because, well, more expensive is better, right?

And then once you’ve got that sorted out and your pile of pee sticks are all pointing in the direction of knocked up you’ll find yourself Googling things like “accuracy of positive pregnancy tests” and once you learn that you are way more likely to get a negative result when you are actually pregnant than the other way around you’ll find yourself comfortably seated aboard the denial train, thoughts of which may include:

This can’t really be happening, I don’t FEEL pregnant. Surely Aunt Flo will be here any day now and this will all just be a dream. I can’t possibly be pregnant, I just can’t. In fact, maybe I should just pretend this never happened and go back to my real life. I’m not ready to become a mom, or to have another baby! Maybe if I don’t tell anyone it won’t be real.”

2. Anger

After denials fluffy cloud of ignorant bliss has parted, you will find yourself violently thrown into anger’s path. Just let it out, scream into your pillow if you have to, but let it all out.

Why the fuck did this have to happen to me? We used protection! I have my whole life ahead of me, I’m too young to be somebody’s mom. My whole life is going to change! What about work and school? What are my parents going to say? How am I going to tell HIM? This fucking sucks I can’t believe this shit. I’m going to be fat and miss out on all the parties and hot guys and for what? All for a stupid baby I don’t even want! My life is ruined!”

3. Bargaining

Next comes the bargaining stage. Suddenly we think we’re church girls who can get back on God’s good side by giving him some attention, similar to how we batted our eyelashes at that nerdy Sophomore when we needed to copy his homework.

God, if you please just take care of this one for me I’ll owe you one. I’ll have a baby when I’m all grown up and responsible with a house in the suburbs and a husband who wears a tie to work. Not now, just please not now. Just make it go away and I can have the baby later. Please, I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll even go to church on Sunday, just take care of it.”

4. Depression

When God (and every other higher power we prayed to in our moment of desperation) doesn’t answer our plea, we start to feel hopeless and even more sorry for ourselves, sinking into a depressed state.

I’m just going to go to bed and sleep for days, it’s all my stupid body wants to do lately anyway. No one will miss me, I’m no fun now that I can’t drink or smoke or hot tub it. In fact, maybe I’ll just sleep forever. I am so fucking tired, I don’t even care anymore.”

5. Acceptance

After you start feeling like getting out of bed again, you’ll eventually arrive at your final destination: acceptance. Maybe it’s around week eight when you get to hear the baby’s heartbeat for the first time and you realize that this is legit. Or perhaps it doesn’t happen until you see the first sonogram, or feel the first kick, or someone buys the baby an adorable little outfit. Eventually, excitement may set in and you’ll realize that you’ve got a tiny little human growing inside of you and you’re the luckiest girl in the world.

I wonder if it’s a boy or a girl? I hope the baby has my eyes! That tiny outfit my mom bought is so adorbs. I can’t believe I finally get to name a little person!”

Get ready to be promoted to MILF status, because you’re on your way!

Another form of acceptance comes when you make the decision that is right for you – regardless of whether that means having or keeping your baby. Should you choose to terminate your pregnancy, put your baby up for adoption, or keep your baby – there are resources out there to help you, and give you the peace of mind and acceptance you deserve. Check out our resources page for our most recommended outlets for help and support.