Here’s the thing about Slutty Girls: Some people love us and some people hate us, but everyone wants to talk about us. With talk comes rumors, and with rumors come myths, lies, and stereotypes. Not every fabulous, feisty, feminist woman can be put into the same “slutty girl” box. So, here are twelve common myths and stereotypes about Slutty Girls that just aren’t true.
1. We’re doing it for attention.
If female identifying folx have a lot of sex with multiple partners, then they must be doing it because they’re thirsty for attention! Beyond that, anyone whose sexuality is expressed outside of the conventional norm is often accused of the same thing. Just because I choose to date a lot of people or another girl chooses to date people regardless of gender, or another girl has lost count of her “number” doesn’t mean it was done for attention. My sexuality is for me. And get this – sometimes people have sex because they fucking want to.
2. We’ll sleep with anyone.
Just because someone identifies as a slut or has been defamed as one by society does not mean that they don’t have standards or desires when it comes to a partner. And hey, if you’re the very rare Slutty Girl who will sleep with anyone, as long as you are happy and healthy, I couldn’t care less. Why? Because it affects me in no way, shape, or form. Keep using protection and being smart and doing you!
3. We have Daddy Issues.
Sure, some of us do have problems or bad memories when it comes to our fathers. But this particular false claim really freaking irks me! Why? 1) Not all slutty women have problems with our fathers. I have a fairly healthy one with mine. Imperfect, yes, but healthy. 2) Just because someone has “daddy issues” doesn’t mean they are a bad person or unworthy of your time! The whole phrase implies that the father figure was a jerk, not the child. Why should the daughter be treated as a lesser because her father was the bad guy?
4. We hate men.
This comes more with the label “feminist” than it does with “slut.” However, if you’re really a capital S capital G “Slutty Girl,” then you’re a feminist. And here’s the thing – feminists don’t hate men. I mean, yeah, some of us do for personal reasons. And most of us will admit that some cis men, due to the society they live in, are generally kinda trash. But come on. We love our guy friends, we love our male identifying allies, and a lot of us love the D – which, often, is attached to a man. So no, feminists and sluts don’t dislike men.
5. We hate women.
As a sorority girl, I absolutely loathe when women say, “I don’t get along with other girls.” Look, it’s fine if you’ve had bad experiences with women, but you have got to acknowledge that this probably has nothing to do with women as a group and everything to do with the way society pits us against one another. In the Slutty Girl community, we totally love and respect other women. And we love our sisters, not just our cis-ters.
6. We’re bad feminists.
So you’ve read my feminist stance in the first five points, but you’re still not sure I’m a feminist? You might have the opinion that embracing your sexuality, as a woman, is disempowering or feeds into the heteronormative patriachy that so often degrades women. That’s the thing: For you, it might not be empowering. But for other women, and most Slutty Girls, being sexual is a thing of power. If it’s not one of your methods of fighting the patriarchy, that’s fine. But it is one of mine, and other women choose to embrace this lifestyle as well. Real feminism means accepting that both paths of action and any in between are okay.
7. We’re going to end up old and lonely with only cats for company.
First of all, if I end up middle-aged with only cats, wine, pizza, Netflix, my vibe, and books for company, I’ll be a happy camper. Let’s acknowledge that for some slutty girls, this is pretty fucking ideal. But on to the real conversation: dude, that’s just not true. Being a feminist doesn’t mean you’re an outsider or incorrect. Being a slut doesn’t mean that, either. Having radical or unique views about life might make Slutty Girls different, but being different doesn’t set you up for a life alone. If anything, it means we are forward-thinking, ahead of our time, and ready to embrace the future to come. Whether that future involves a husband, a wife, ten cats, or all three. 😉
8. Our lifestyle is unhealthy.
Some Slutty Girls are trans. Some are LGBTQ+. Some have multiple sexual partners. Some smoke pot. Some masturbate a whole freaking lot. Some are party animals. Some are non-binary. Some are vegan. Some are adrenaline junkies. Some are fat. If you fall into any of these categories, you’ve probably been told that you or your choices are unhealthy. But that’s just not true. If you are happy and healthy, if you are using protection, if you are open and honest with your sexual partners – then there is nothing wrong with your lifestyle. “Healthy” means something different for everyone. You worry about you and I’ll worry about me.
9. Any vagina that has seen a lot of action is loose.
Okay, no. Just no. A friggin baby can fit through that thing and it’ll go back to its original size and shape, or just about. Furthermore, Slutty Girls are educated, so those of us with vaginas know all about Kegel exercises to keep those muscles as toned as we may or may not choose to keep the rest of our bodies. I get it. The fact that I have dildos bigger than your penis intimidates you. But don’t worry about me. And on a different note – “loose” doesn’t mean bad and it doesn’t mean promiscuous. People are built differently, and sex can be pleasurable for all partners regardless of anatomy. In hetero relationships, I’m sure more girls put up with tiny weenies than dudes put up with ~loose~ vaginas. Fuck off.
10. We have no morals.
This goes back to sleeping with anyone. Everyone has standards and morals, even Slutty Girls. Furthermore, having morals goes hand-in-hand with our feminist ideology. And yes, even slutty women can be religious. Not all of us are, of course, but enjoying sex doesn’t mean you can’t also enjoy our relationship with God or religion.
11. We will never feel fulfilled.
We’ve all heard it – that people who sleep around are just looking to fill a void. That’s true for some as it can be with any activity, from religion to drinking, from art to drugs, from working out at the gym to working out in bed. For many, fulfilment comes from positive aspects in life. That can include a hobby, a family, a career, etc. And you know what? Maybe sex does fulfil some people. If it does, good for you. I wouldn’t say it fulfils me, but it sure makes me feel good. And feeling good helps me continue to reach for my goals in other aspects of life! When I’m getting laid, I’m more likely to be in a good mood at work and to hit the gym a few times a week!
12. It’s just a phase. We’ll grow out of it.
Finally, I know some people think being a slut is just a phase. Sure, for some of us, our party girl or player days will only last for a few years. But just because I might only fulfill the definition of a “slut” for a little while doesn’t mean I won’t be a Slutty Girl for the rest of my days. 😉
Forget the haters, the rumors, and the lies. Be a slutty girl – do what you want!
If you’re ready to fully embrace your sexuality and drop all the shame that society tries to throw at you, check out our new course Subvert Your Subconscious! Led by Slutty Girl Problems’ founder, Lorrae Jo, this online course guides you to let go of shame-based messages and subconscious blocks, to fully step into your most empowered erotic self. Join us in unwriting shame and stereotypes, to transform your subconscious and create the sex and love life you truly crave.