Here’s the thing about Slutty Girls: Some people love us and some people hate us, but everyone wants to talk about us. With talk comes rumors, and with rumors come myths, lies, and stereotypes. 

The more we hear these misconceptions and Slut shaming, the further we try to separate ourselves from the title “Slut”. We might try to change the way we dress, how we act, what we do, but what we’re really doing is depriving ourselves of our full pleasure potential and who we truly are.

Not every fabulous, feisty, feminist woman can be put into the same “Slutty Girl” box. So, here are twelve common myths and stereotypes about Slutty Girls that are keeping you from being your true self and experiencing true pleasure.

Myth 1: Sluts are doing it for attention.

Growing up in a school system that penalizes girls, even shames them, for showing too much shoulder, I’ve often heard that women show “too much” skin for attention. Allegedly, we dress in ways that are intentionally designed to excite the male gaze and steal husbands, for the pure thrill of having all that glorious, delicious attention. Women who wore a skirt too short or a top too small are labeled sirens, and to be avoided like the Devil himself. 

Yet, despite this common myth, our clothing choices, no matter how provocative to the outside eye, aren’t necessarily for attention. I wear clothes that make me feel comfortable and show my personality, not because I want everyone to see more of my ass than the average Karen finds acceptable. You should be so blessed to glimpse my tight, round ass should I wish to show it.

In a similar vein, we’ve all heard about the Slut who flirted with every boy “for attention”, or the Slut who dated and slept around, obviously “for attention”. Flirting and seeking physical connection from someone might mean I want their attention. I want them to see me, feel me, want me in severely intimate ways… or perhaps I simply want to have fun, connect, and have some pleasure! Beyond that, it might mean I’m really feeling myself that day and am lighting up a room… or simply that I’m being friendly, and it’s being mistaken for flirting! Regardless, there are some who boast about their sexual experiences and others who prefer not to kiss and tell, but despite what you know about my “oh-so-sinful” sexual exploits, I didn’t fuck them for your attention, and attention is rarely my main goal.

The LGBTQ+ community may hear this stereotype more than most. The young woman exploring her desires for another female must be doing it to get her parents’ or the boys’ attention — not because she could genuinely be interested in girls. The person who always dressed like a man starts dressing like a woman because they’re desperately craving “attention” — not because they’re expressing their identity. 

The false conclusion that attention is the end goal of self expression or seeking intimacy of any kind, speaks to our overall disdain for women’s autonomy and self-expression, and the patriarchal centering of men and the male gaze, as if every action must be for someone else’s benefit or attention, rather than our own self-actualization.

Myth 2: Sluts will sleep with anyone.

Just because someone identifies as a Slut or has been defamed as one by society does not mean that they don’t have standards or desires when it comes to a partner. Sexual drive and the ability to frequently abate it says nothing about a Slut’s standards. A person who self-identifies as a Slut likely loves herself, and often has high standards because they’re letting themselves have what they want freely, versus worrying about what others may think. Often, people think that Sluts are objectifying themselves, while a Slut simply feels free to embody and express their sexuality. It doesn’t mean they aren’t choosy or don’t have preferences.

And hey, if you’re a Slutty Girl who will sleep with anyone, as long as you are happy and healthy and getting consent, I couldn’t care less. Why? Because it affects me in no way, shape, or form. Keep using protection, being smart and doing you!

Myth 3: Sluts have Daddy Issues.

While this myth is inherently untrue, some Sluts may have what we call “daddy issues,” some may not. That’s not for us to guess or judge. Many people have trauma, and how we navigate and heal from our trauma isn’t reflective of our worth or value.

What I want to address is how we project a father’s mistakes or absence onto the child he neglected or harmed, and then use their parents’ behavior to demean and degrade someone navigating that trauma. This myth implies, and often outright says, that the supposed effects of childhood trauma are somehow her fault, and this must be the reason she’s sleeping with people. If you believe that “daddy issues” is creating “Sluts,” then the “solution” would be to make fathers do better, not to shame women for having sex. 

Myth 4: Feminists hate men.

This comes more with the label “feminist” than it does with “Slut.” However, if you’re really a capital S capital G “Slutty Girl,” then you’re a feminist. And here’s the thing – feminists don’t hate men. 

I mean, yes, some of us do for personal reasons. And most of us will admit that some cis men, due to the patriarchal society they live in, can be generally kinda trash. But come on. We love our guy friends, we love our male identifying allies, and a lot of us love the D – which, often, is attached to a man. So no, feminists and Sluts don’t generally dislike men.

I’ve loved a man, and his pleasurable penis, so much I’ve even replicated it to use on my own when he’s not there. 

Myth 5: Sluts hate women.

There are women who like to say “other women don’t like me,” or “I prefer being friends with guys.” Maybe some women have been betrayed by a friend or haven’t had a lot of women in their lives, but the average Slut loves women. We love our sisters, and not just our cis-ters or biological sisters. We share our pain, our happiness, our advice with fellow women and femmes, and create our own sense of slutty sisterhood together. Womanhood, and therefore Sluthood, is a community.

There are women who hate Sluts for different reasons, some listed above. It’s not often that a Slut hates women.

Myth 6: Sluts are bad feminists.

So you’ve read my feminist stance in the first five points, but you’re still not sure I’m a feminist? You might have the opinion that embracing your sexuality, as a woman, is disempowering or feeds into the heteronormative patriarchy that so often degrades women. 

That’s the thing: For some, it might not be empowering. But for other women, and most Slutty Girls, being sexual is a thing of power. If it’s not one of your methods of fighting the patriarchy, that’s fine. But it is one of mine, and other women choose to embrace this lifestyle as well. Real feminism means accepting that both paths of action, and any in between, are okay.

Myth 7: Sluts are going to end up old and lonely with only cats for company.

First of all, if I end up middle-aged with only cats, wine, pizza, Netflix, my vibe, and books for company, I’ll be a happy camper. Let’s acknowledge that for some Slutty Girls, this is pretty fucking ideal. 

But on to the real conversation: dude, that’s just not true. Being a feminist doesn’t mean you’re an outsider or incorrect. Being a Slut doesn’t mean that, either. Having radical or unique views about life might make Slutty Girls different, but being different doesn’t set you up for a life alone. If anything, it means we are forward-thinking, ahead of our time, and ready to embrace the future to come. Whether that future involves a husband, a wife, ten cats, or all three.

Myth 8: A slutty lifestyle is unhealthy.

Some Slutty Girls are trans. Some are LGBTQ+. Some have multiple sexual partners. Some smoke pot. Some masturbate a whole freaking lot. Some are party animals. Some are non-binary. Some are vegan. Some are adrenaline junkies. Some are fat. If you fall into any of these categories, you’ve probably been told that you or your choices are unhealthy. But that’s just not true. 

If you are happy and healthy, if you are not harming others, if you are using protection, if you are open and honest with your sexual partners – then there is nothing wrong with your lifestyle. “Healthy” means something different for everyone. You worry about you, and I’ll worry about me.

Myth 9: Any vagina that has seen a lot of action is loose.

Okay, no. Just no. A friggin baby can fit through that thing and it’ll go back to its original size and shape, or just about. Furthermore, Slutty Girls are educated, so those of us with vaginas know all about Kegel exercises to keep those muscles as toned as we may or may not choose to keep the rest of our bodies. I get it. The fact that I have dildos bigger than your penis intimidates you. 

On a different note – “loose” doesn’t mean bad and it doesn’t mean promiscuous. People are built differently, and sex can be pleasurable for all partners regardless of anatomy. In hetero relationships, I’m sure more girls put up with tiny weenies than dudes put up with ~loose~ vaginas.

Myth 10: Sluts have no morals.

This goes back to sleeping with anyone. Everyone has standards and morals. Furthermore, having morals goes hand-in-hand with our feminist ideology. 

And yes, slutty women can be religious. Not all of us are, of course, but enjoying sex doesn’t mean you can’t also enjoy your relationship with God or any religion.

Myth 11: Sluts will never feel fulfilled.

We’ve all heard it – that people who sleep around are just looking to fill a void. That’s true for some as it can be with any activity, from religion to drinking, from art to drugs, from working out at the gym to working out in bed. 

For many, fulfillment comes from positive aspects in life. That can include a hobby, a family, a career, etc. And you know what? Maybe sex does fulfill some people. If it does, good for you. I wouldn’t say it fulfills me, but it sure makes me feel good. And feeling good helps me continue to reach for my goals in other aspects of life! When I’m getting laid, I’m more likely to be in a good mood at work and to hit the gym a few times a week!

Myth 12: Being a Slut is just a phase. We’ll grow out of it.

Finally, I know some people think being a Slut is just a phase. Sure, for some of us, our party girl or player days will only last for a few years. But just because I might only fulfill the definition of a Slut for a little while doesn’t mean I won’t be a Slutty Girl for the rest of my days. 

Forget the haters, the rumors, and the lies. Be a Slutty Girl – do what you want!

Embrace your sexuality and drop all the shame that society tries to throw at you. Led by Slutty Girl Problems’ founder, Lorrae Jo, Subvert Your Subconscious guides you through letting go of shame-based messages and subconscious blocks to fully step into your most empowered erotic self.