The dreaded morning after when you wake up disheveled, usually hungover, and rarely with an effective plan. Whether you’re scrambling for your clothes to bolt, or looking for some eggs to scramble, it’s never easy to face the morning after unprepared. I’ve got you covered with all perspectives of the infamous morning struggle, so that whether you’re at his place, your place, or wherever and just want it to be over quickly – you can make a graceful exit, or hang out without overstaying your welcome.
1. You’re at YOUR place and you want them to leave
If you are into this person but totally not into them being in your dirty apartment for your even dirtier hangover, then, casually, mention the loads of stuff you have to do that day. Bringing up real-life stuff, like laundry, work projects, or visits from Grandma will quickly snub any remaining “let’s remain in this state of post-sex bliss” without having to outwardly say “get out my apartment”. If this person still not catching on, you can go for the age-old “Oh shit, I have a meeting with my boss in an hour I’ve got to leave!” lie, but when it’s a Sunday and it’s known you work as a teacher, that one might not be your best bet. Especially if you want to see this person again!
If you’re not into this person and you really don’t care about what they think, then you won’t have to step so cautiously in asking them to GTFO. Just send repelling vibes. I’m not saying to be downright rude, but you don’t have to be as gentle about it. Simply saying that you’ve got to get your day started and you will call sometime, should be enough of a hint. If not, the fabricated, frantic call from boss tactic will just have to do.
2. You’re at THEIR place and you want to leave
Not every morning after will be Bridesmaids where the decision is made for you (jerk alert!).
If you like this person, but you know you still wanna bounce, play the busy-gal card again, (because I’ve learned men like women who get shit done) and let them know you had a great time but have to get your day started. Also, this will put the ball in his court. The next move could be him enticing you to stay, or sending you out with the promise of a text later.
If you know in your now-sober state that this person is not your type, feel free to wake up, get dressed, and let them know you’ll be leaving – with less of an explanation. If they seem crushed, you can diffuse with humor, like “Come on, I’ve got to leave. Do you see this bedhead?”, or be honest and say that you don’t really feel like sticking around. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind with anybody.
3. You want them to ask you to breakfast (or another scenario that includes not separating)
There are some morning-afters where, no matter how you look or feel that day, you are not ready to part from the amazing person you just romped around with. Maybe the conversation was magical, he or she is your idea of a perfect person, or you’re just having so much fun fooling around that you don’t want it to end! Whatever the case, if you don’t want to wake up and leave before even the possibility of coffee, feel out the situation.
If this person seems distant, twitchy, uncomfortable, or is cold toward you, then I’m sorry love but see yourself out. No use sticking around if they aren’t into the perfection that is you! But, if this person is acting somewhat hesitant to begin the day, then make the announcement that you are totally starved and see if this person wants to grab breakfast. They may really want to ask you to breakfast but is simply nervous because, you know, you’re a half-naked beauty in his bedroom. So, give that opportunity to make the request casual and easy.
If neither of you is being bold enough to suggest anything other than staying in bed and wishing that communication wasn’t a thing, tell them what a wonderfully empty day you have. If they still don’t bite then, by all means, tell them you’re dragging them out for eggs, because they need their protein. Be playful and bold. What do you have to lose out on, beside a free breakfast? If this person doesn’t seem into the idea, then try not to be too embarrassed and simply read the vibes.
4. The night before was super awesome
Those morning afters where you wake up actually in love… those are fun. But in situations where the night before was so great because the chemistry was there, the hookup was pure magic, and you think you found your actual soulmate – the morning after can come with so much pressure! What do you do the next day when the night before was perfect?
The same damn thing! Sure, there may not be the alcohol, bar lighting, or nighttime aesthetic, but recreate that same awesomeness by speaking in the same flirtatious way, cracking jokes about certain scenarios from the night before, recounting the night, and just being your overall self. Clearly, there was some chemistry between both of you, so the next morning is natural and makes that happen again by not being too shy or hesitant to be yourself. Bonding over a gnarly hangover is also always a good go-to.
5. The night before was super awkward
If you couldn’t drive home, felt weird leaving, or whatever you ended up staying the night. Now you wake up and realize how goddamn awkward that whole night was. Now what?
Erase your number from their phone and utilize the above escape strategy! That’s one way. But if stealth sneak-outs isn’t your style, you can still ease the weirdness of a post-awkward morning…
First, compose yourself. Wake up, take a breath and realize that shit happens. You’re not going to be smooth with every encounter, and not every person you go home with will be the best talker or kisser you’ve ever met. So, realizing that and being OKAY with it before you make any rash decisions is first and foremost. Next, work through what type of awkward it was.
If it was awkward because you just didn’t know each other well, but feel like there could be something there with a little more time, then consider making light of it and saying something like “So can we like, try last night again?”. If you realize that it was awkward because you two have nothing in common and probably will continue to have nothing in common, then it’s safe to say you can duck out with only a “Well, better luck next time.” I always resort to humor to diffuse situations but stick with what you’re comfortable with.
Pro-Tip: Don’t opt for a kiss in the a.m. Sometimes, and this goes for guys and girls, no matter what we do the night before, we don’t want the intimacy that comes with an on-the-lips-bye-sweetie goodbye kiss. If it’s an especially passionate situation and there is mutual attraction then, by all means, plant one if you think the moment is right. Even from hookups that turn into future couples, the consensus is to let the rest of the day play out with communicating, and then attempt to see each other again sober before you try out the romance that is kissing.