Okay, so you were recently on Youporn, and in the related videos you were masturbating to, you saw a scene of a woman with a strap-on fucking the tight asshole of what you thought was another woman but, surprise, it’s actually a woman pegging her male partner with a strap-on cock and he is loving it. You check your pulse. No. You’re not dreaming. You just orgasmed to a guy getting his ass fucked by his female partner and the image won’t seem to leave your mind’s eye; you are, in fact, stuck on the idea of trying this out, but you don’t know much more about the topic than what you just saw. How does one approach this? Well let’s start with the basics, first WTF does FemDom mean?

The definition online is that it’s an acronym for Female Domination, but the acts and actions involved are as varied as the interpretations of female domination. Now, in a porn sense, it isn’t even that well defined either, it is pretty open to interpretation, so it may include a lot of BDSM related intimacy …which is still pretty hot! But firstly, let’s call a spade a spade, do you want your female partner to control and dominate you? If you answer yes please continue reading, if not, well kick rocks, this article isn’t for your vanilla ass anyways.

Okay, so you want to be dominated. The next natural question is, what are you willing to do to please her? Not everyone is comfortable with certain sexual acts, some people are squeamish, others have their own personal rules of engagement in the sack, and most people have no clue what they want and are usually game to try most things at least once (if said act is performed gently and with care).

Talk to Your Partner

So you’ve decided to give this the good old college try, but before you decide to agree to anything I will present to you, you need to have a long talk with your partner, I think this is the most important aspect of FemDom since you need to consent to being peed on, spanked, lightly slapped or pegged with a strapon, butt plug, dildo, et cetera. I won’t tell you how to talk to your partner, that’s entirely up to you, but you need to talk about this, believe it or not.

BDSM requires a lot of open communication for it to be effective and safe, and most of all pleasurable. Most people think that you just get tied to a Saint Andrews Cross, without any prior experience, and then you let someone go to town on you with any one of their fantasies. I can tell you that isn’t even how a porn scene is shot, and it’s certainly not how people fuck in real life. In fact, most BDSM enthusiasts will tell you sexual penetration doesn’t happen as often as you might think.

It’s About Consent

So at this point, you and your partner have had a really open and honest conversation about what you are willing to do to please her – this applies to heterosexual couples and lesbian couples equally – the next thing to do is to see whether or not these acts require any support material, as these will vary and depend on what acts you consent to.

Yes, you read right, this all requires consent, C-O-N-S-E-N-T. This will be the most important part of your FemDom excursions; you can’t have a fulfilling experience in FemDom without consenting to whatever act you have done to you. It’s just smart to proceed that way, you may not entirely grasp what it is you are about to engage in.

What About Butt Stuff?

Okay, so at this point – how do you feel about ass play? I mean, are you fine with your ass being played with? Do you enjoy a finger or butt plug up there? This is an important question since if you are about to be pegged and fucked, it is more prudent to enjoy anal sex or penetration first, than to have it sprung on you out of the blue. Even if this is an act that will be performed on you, it is much easier to enjoy it, when you actually enjoy it.

There is nothing wrong with being digitally penetrated, or to be pleasured with a butt plug or prostrate massager – you do, however, need to invest in some good water based lube if you are using toys, since silicone based lubricants can actually affect the integrity of your sex toys.

Ideas to Think About

Now, we won’t go into the specifics, but here are some different ways you, as a man or woman, can experience FemDom with your partner. Yes, so far we have focused on anal penetration, but there are also non penetrative forms of intimacy you can explore with your FemDom partner. In no particular order:

  1. You can begin with the act of foot worship. I assume you are smart enough to know what this entails, but if you need visual representations, kindly type “foot worship” in the search bar of any porn site. The representations will be pretty standard and show you the basics.
  1. Sissy Play, is men dressing up as women (but women can also dress up as men).
  1. Acts of cock and ball torture, albeit that this sounds a lot worse than it can be, are acts that can increase in degrees of intensity, based on your level of comfort and it is one of the few FemDom acts that are exclusively for men. Most begin with stretchy cock rings and then move onto glass and metal ones and eventually to devices like the Gates of Hell or chastity cock cages. (There are also chastity belts for women if you want to simulate the experience.) Again, comfort and consent are going to be the two things that affect the outcome of your experience.
  1. Some individuals like to be disciplined …which is where you can engage in some impact play (which is a fancy way of saying spanking with a hand, whip, paddle, and/or flog).
  1. Then there is the act of bondage, where your limbs are restrained by either handcuffs, ropes, or bondage kits – the kind which have under the bed restraints that can transform your bedroom to your dungeon with ease – allowing you to eternally tease your partner by instructing them to not touch you, while you tantalize and tease their erogenous zones. Finger yourself and masturbate in front of your helpless partner (which is a great way to tease him or her) and it will drive them crazy.
  1. Lastly in terms of elements to tinker and toy with, you can always look at FemDom role playing. Role playing is a good way for anyone to explore different sides of their sexual personalities together. To name only a few, you can engage in Student/Teacher relationships, Boss/Underling, Cops/Robbers, or Animal Play (think: a buttplug that has a pony tail attached to the end of it – don’t worry, nobody is judging if you’re into that kind of thing …nobody is judging you if you’re into ANY kind of thing).

Shed the submissive shackles placed on you by society, while you boost your confidence, and make your woman or man cum like they never have before! This is just another way for you to explore the space between the boundaries you set for yourselves in the bedroom. Done with care and consent, your partner will appreciate the time you took out to make sure this experience was a pleasant and pleasurable one, but most importantly, one you would consider doing again – because you like being a submissive.