Ben Wa balls got stuck in my vagina. Twice.

I had always wanted to try Ben Wa balls. I dreamily eyed them at the toy store, held different sets in my hands, and imagined how powerful my orgasms would be after weeks of effortless Kegel exercises. 

Before finally deciding to buy, I thoroughly did my research. I learned that little and lightweight balls had a tendency to get stuck… my absolute worst nightmare (next to TSA unpacking my vibrator and literally up-close examining my Clone-a-Willy). 

I wanted something big and heavy, something that would literally fall out of my vagina. Something I would have to work to keep in. Something that a simple cough or sneeze would send flying across the room.

If you’re searching for the Ben Wa balls you should be using, look no further than the LELO Luna Beads, The Slutty Girl favorite Kegel balls. Don’t worry, these balls come with a cord.

How I Chose my Ben Wa Balls

I decided on Eden Fantasy’s glass Ben Wa balls. Measuring in at a large 1.25 inch diameter, 4 inch circumference, and 3 ounce weight (1.5 ounces each), these balls were sure to get me going, without getting stuck. I ordered them online and awaited my package like a kid on Christmas Eve.

Inserting & Wearing Kegel Balls

They came discreetly in a cute little pouch, separating each ball inside to prevent clinking. I opened the pouch to find two glistening black balls, slightly larger than I expected but yet still the perfect size to comfortably fit inside me. 

Nearly beside myself, I jumped in glee, and grabbed my lube. Having already looked up how to use Ben Wa balls, I popped in a single ball, and pushed it just past my opening, ready to take on the world. Surprisingly, it hardly felt like anything… and after a few short Kegel exercises, it was like nothing was inside me at all! I was elated, and decided to wait to put in the second ball. One would be enough for Day 1 with this beginner. I went about my day, blissfully unaware of my Ben Wa Ball, assuming that my Kegel muscles were involuntary clenching without me noticing (seriously, I did not feel a thing).

“Removing” my Ben Wa Balls

And then, as my day came to an end, I was at the moment of truth. Time to get these Ben Wa’s out. 

I had read about this moment, prepared for it even, and knew all the tricks… or so I thought. I crouched in my room, hand under vag, pushing my pelvic muscles like I was in labor. But I felt nothing. I coughed, I danced, I did jumping jacks, I pushed! Still did not feel a friggin thing. I tried to reach up and touch them, to search for the lost balls, and just like I was reaching up into the abyss, there was absolutely nothing. 

I panicked! Of course I would be the one woman who gets sent to the hospital because she gets balls stuck inside her vagina.

I figured I must be missing something (other than the ball). I looked up everything there was to know, every self-help article, and realized a heart-wrenching truth. I was following literally ALL of the instructions. I was doing everything they told me! And then I read possibly the least helpful thing any one could read, “just relax…” Relax? REALLY?! I HAVE KEGEL BALLS STUCK IN MY VAGINA. How could I relax?! How would I get them out?!  What if I had to go to the hospital? How would I ever explain this to my parents?!

So, I did what any sensible girl would do in this situation, and called my best friend, crying. If anyone could help me find my balls, it would be her. As if my vagina were a clown car with doors too small, and a too big clown pressed against the frames, this ball’s day at my circus was over.

With the moral support of my BFF, I crouched in my bathroom, but to no avail. I sat in my sink, hoping that peeing might push it out (while saving the ball), but all I got was an uncomfortable cramp and flashbacks to a younger, drunker me. I crouched in the shower, and with a bit of lube, just barely got my finger up and around the side of the ball, clawing at it to try to jostle it down. Apparently, gravity doesn’t help much when your vagina is clamped around a foreign object like a sinner clutching her rosary beads.

Finally, my finger hooked around the other side of the ball, providing just enough leverage for me to slide it down, and with quite a bit of effort, I was able to retrieve it from my vagina. I felt as euphoric as a woman who had just delivered her firstborn child.

Never again would I put those balls back in my vagina, I thought… never a-fucking-gain.

Round Two

I should have learned my lesson the first time, but was determined to try these balls of fury again. I selfishly wanted a pleasurable Kegel balls experience filled with orgasmic waves and the release of ancient secrets. How do you think it went? After several attempts at trying to get these balls out yet again, I literally texted my BFF, “Ben Waaaahhhhh” with multiple siren and ambulance emoji’s. This time, she had no sympathy. With a similarly long and painstaking technique, I was able to remove the balls, and vowed never to mess around with these Ben What The Fucks again.

Overall Lesson: Get Kegel Balls With a Cord

I pondered what could have went so wrong. After all, these seemed like perfectly fine Ben Wa balls, and I had done my research.  My research said, the bigger the better for amateurs. But maybe they were too big and hugged my vaginal walls too tightly. They were the heaviest ones I could find, but maybe they weren’t heavy enough. Maybe Ben Wa Balls just weren’t for me, and my now-demoralized vagina.

I hopelessly gave up on my dream of experiencing the joy of Ben Wa balls… until I received a surprise set. I tried the amazing Fun Toys Geisha Balls (unfortunately no longer available), and I was in absolute heaven! The balls weren’t heavier, but they were silicone and plastic, with a second ball rolling inside that gave me a LOT more sensation and TONS of noticeable Kegel exercising. Best of all, they had a retrieval cord that made their exit a standing ovation. A total hit! This was what Ben Wa Balls were truly meant to be.

I would highly recommend Kegel balls with a silicone string as an alternative. Since the Geisha Balls are no longer available, I recommend the LELO Luna Beads or Minna kGoal instead. While you’re there, get my all-time favorite vibrator, the Magic Wand Rechargeable, and have a truly unforgettable experience that will blow your mind.

Get the “Slutty Girl-Approved” Kegel Balls:

LELO Luna Beads

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