Many women see these two words together and cringe. There are many misconceptions about anal sex, and rumors of the pain and mess that anal sex can cause often scare people away from trying it. If you’re unaware of the right way to have anal sex, the experience can end up being just like the rumors – or even worse.
However, anal sex can be a very pleasurable experience if it’s done correctly and with someone you’re comfortable with. Personally, I’ve have had good and bad experiences with anal sex. The first time is usually scary, disappointing, and some people may even hate it. But for me, after trying it again and again, using different methods and techniques, I finally figured out how to have pleasurable anal sex nearly every time. Now, anal sex is very satisfying for me! This guide will help you understand how to have anal sex the right way – and avoid any awkward, painful, or messy moments!
Why It’s Pleasurable
We all know of the wonderful feeling the clitoris can give, but did you know that anal sex can also stimulate it from a different angle and create extremely intense orgasms?
The clitoris splits like a wishbone and runs along both sides of the vaginal lips. It makes it as far as the perineum, which is next to the anus. When done correctly, anal sex can stimulate the tips of these extensions by expanding the sphincter. Anal sex can also stimulate the G-spot; a penis or toy that penetrates the anus can often cause pressure and be felt through the vaginal wall, resulting in stimulation of the G-spot.
Anal sex might feel uncomfortable at first because we’re used to the anus being “exit only”. You’ll be able to feel it stretching, and it might even make you feel like you have to poop, but if you relax and have your partner take it slow, your anus will get used to the feeling. Once you’re used to it, the sex becomes pleasurable and actually exciting. I know the excitement my partner feels really turns me on and excites me. Mentally, it makes me feel like a naughty sexual adventurer. It’s something that started out of my comfort zone and out of the ordinary but became something fun and satisfying that my partner and I do on a really hot and heavy night. Once you get it right, it’s fun!
Anal sex isn’t something you can just jump into. It takes time and trust. I’d recommend that both parties should trust one another and feel comfortable together before trying it.
If it’s your first time having anal sex, it should be approached very slowly. Your comfort is important and you’re going to want to let your partner know how you’re feeling and what to do throughout the process. They won’t have a clue to what you’re feeling unless you tell them. All they can tell is that it’s tight and it feels good! By being comfortable with your partner you can tell them to stop, go slower, add more lube, or anything else you’re feeling – so that the experience is positive for you both!
Before You Begin
Anal sex is very similar to vaginal sex when it comes to pain and possible damage. If you were to have vaginal sex without any lubricant, it can create pain and tears. The same goes for anal. Anal tissue is thinner than vaginal tissue and is not self-lubricating like the vagina, so it’s important to have a lot of lube, and keep it within arms reach for the whole process. I prefer a silicone lube because it’s smooth, silky, and long-lasting – while water-based lubes can be thick. Many people prefer thickness, so it’s up to your personal preference. Just be aware that silicone lubes may stain light fabrics and can degrade silicone toys, so always lay down a towel to avoid any mess.
Also just like the vagina, the anus stretches out and it goes back to normal. By having regular anal play or sex, your body will just learn to be more relaxed and comfortable with the feeling.
The anus and the lower part of the rectum hold very little fecal material in them, so anal play is not nearly as messy as everyone believes. But if you’re worried about a mess, make sure you go to the bathroom BEFORE engaging in anal sex. That way you won’t have to worry, and will be more comfortable throughout. You’ll know there won’t be any fecal mess which is a scary, embarrassing thought. You can also use an enema or anal douche about a half hour before anal sex, to clean out the lower bowel areas. I’d also recommend laying out a towel to avoid any messes because accidents can happen!
Before diving in, you should start with some ‘butt play’. Have your partner put a generous amount of lube onto their finger and press it against the entrance of your anus and rub gently.
Next, they should slowly push their finger in. This whole process starts off very slow. The receiver should relax the sphincter muscle and most importantly, not forget to breathe! Add more lubricant throughout as needed. Slowly taking the finger in and out will “loosen” it up and make it easier to enter later on. If the idea of inserting a finger into your anus makes either of you a bit squeamish, try using finger condoms or even a regular condom. It’ll take time for your body to get fully ready for the insertion of such a large object. It can take several attempts with fingers and toys before the real thing. Remember, this process takes time and your comfort is the most important, so take it slow – your partner should understand!
If you’re feeling nervous about trying anal sex with a partner, then you can test it out on your own before doing it together. My comfort level with my partner allowed me to jump right into partner play, but not everyone is lucky enough to have that. Masturbation is always a good idea when trying new sexual things because you can learn what you like and what you don’t. There are tons of sex toys which are specifically designed for anal play, which is a great way to start. Just be careful you don’t get anything too crazy, textured, or big. Stick with beginners toys. I’d recommend something like Tantus’s Flirt Butt Plug.
If you’re having a glass of wine to relax, be careful not to drink so much that you can’t listen to what your body is telling you. This is especially important during anal sex, where feeling pain could be a signal that something is wrong. Once you’re comfortable, beginning foreplay should start the same as any other sexual encounter. Have your partner stimulate you and get you aroused before progressing into anal play. Apply lube to both your anus and your partner’s finger. Gently massage the anus before putting any pressure inward, then when you’re ready, your partner will slowly start to insert it. Slowly continue the process fingering her and ensure the whole area is fully lubricated.
The Best Positions
Once you’ve got the basics covered, you may still be left wondering, “What position should I try that won’t end up being, LITERALLY, a pain in the ass?!” Some positions just aren’t as fun for anal, and you may find that some are suddenly uncomfortable or awkward due to the slight change in angle and anatomy. If you’re just starting out and don’t know where to begin, here are five of the simplest anal sex positions to try.
Spooning is great for anal because it’s uber comfortable for both partners. It also has the added benefit of allowing your guy easy access to your breasts, clit, and vagina for added stimulation, which is great for women who do not orgasm from anal sex alone.
2. Girl on Top
Girl on top positions are awesome for anal because they provide you with the maximum level of control, making it easy to take things slow if they start to become a little too intense. As an added bonus, your guy’s hand are free to roam over your body as you see fit.
Missionary might have a boring reputation, but try spicing it up a bit by using it during anal instead. When your guy is on top doing most of the work, it leaves your hands free to play with whatever part of yourself will help you reach orgasm. If you crave intimacy, the face-to-face aspect of this position can help to achieve that and creates ample opportunities for kissing.
4. Reverse Cowgirl
A variation of girl-on-top positions, reverse cowgirl once again gives you control over speed and depth. Your partner will love it too for the same reason he always loves it when you’re on top – he can relax and enjoy a sexy view of your best ASSets!
5. From Behind
Anal positions which incorporate rear entry, such as doggy style or bending over, often allow for an easier orgasm, as your partner’s penis is able to put indirect stimulation and pressure on your g-spot, through the vaginal wall. (For added comfort, try lying down with a pillow beneath your stomach for added extra support and an easier angle.) However, you’ll want to be extra careful with rear entry positions when you’re an anal beginner, as they don’t afford much control to you.
As with any sexual experience, do whatever feels most comfortable for you. Give these classic positions a go, but if none of them feel quite right, don’t be afraid to try new things and find your own perfect anal set-up. After all, the true best anal sex positions are the ones that bring you pleasure.
The Main Event
Reapply lube to the anus and onto your partner’s penis. Don’t be afraid to use a lot; you’d rather have more than less!
Very gently push the tip of the penis against the anus. Remember to relax the sphincter muscles and continue to breathe! It should slide in easily but it needs to enter SLOWLY. Continue to add lube throughout. Ease the penis in and then stop and wait after about two inches (or less, depending on your comfort levels). After a couple of minutes, you may feel comfortable with your partner inserting more of their penis inside. Make sure you are used to the feeling before going deeper; this is where the importance of communication comes in. If anything hurts or makes you feel uncomfortable, immediately stop and tell your partner.
Slowly pull out just a little bit and push back in. Repeat this motion, going a little deeper every thrust. Start off slow and soon you’ll start to enjoy the feeling and then you’ll be having pleasurable anal sex! Be sure to apply lube as necessary to ensure your comfort, and to maintain arousal. Continue to stimulate the clitoris in any way you’d like – whether you do it, your partner does it, or you use a vibrator.
As with any form of sexual activity, you should always use condoms for anal sex. Because the anal tissue is thin and tears easily, STD transmission rates are much higher during anal play than other activities. Although there are no condoms on the market specifically for anal sex, there are condoms that are more suited for the job than others. You should look for extra strength and extra lube because of the lack of natural lubrication and the increased heat with anal sex.
Choosing the right lube is another story. There are lubes on the market that are specifically made for anal sex, but as always, be careful to avoid any lubricants that contain glycerine or parabens, which can cause pain and irritation. Also, be careful when using anal numbing products. These numbing agents have benzocaine in them, which numbs the area so you don’t feel pain. However, pain is your body’s warning to stop, lube up, and slow down – and by using these products, you increase your chances of causing unnecessary damage to yourself!
Anal sex isn’t nearly as scary as it sounds. You just have to do it right, go slow, prep in advance, use a lot of lube, and keep your communication flowing throughout. Not everyone is going to like anal sex, but not everyone likes vaginal sex either! As long as it’s done correctly and respectfully, it can be a pleasurable experience for both parties involved. The more you try it, the more comfortable and confident you’ll get with it, and it will only get better! If you’re curious about anal sex, definitely try it… and don’t necessarily give up if the first time isn’t fabulous. It can take a while for you both to get used to the sensation and do it right.