Slutty Girl Problems

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6 Hilarious Ways to Handle an Anal Sex Mishap

12/07

If you’re an anal kind of girl like me, then you have definitely had at least one not so clean exit post orgasm after putting a dick up inside your butt. (And if you haven’t, you’re dreading the inevitable.)  Everyone knows you need to make sure you poop, and maybe douche, before you do anal, but sometimes the poop happens after …or during. I’m not gonna lie, it’s slightly embarrassing to have a guy straddling you from behind, wiping your own shit off your butt because you can’t reach or see to get full coverage. What makes it worse is it feels like he’s rubbing it into your skin, rather than wiping it off.

It happens to the best of us, so we’ve come up with a short list of things to do and/or say if you ever do find shit on his dick.

1. You could get up and leave.

You may think that getting up and leaving will save you the grim embarrassment of the whole ordeal, but it is only going to prolong the experience. You have to put it to bed, just like you did all those other peeps, so this is not recommended.  But if it’s a one night stand or someone else you’ll never have to see again, it’s still worth considering.

2. You could say, “Thanks for making dinner the other day.”

Okay so this is only hilarious if he actually did make dinner the other day, or perhaps you could say, “thank you for taking me out for dinner.” It’s funny. If he didn’t, then it will sound amazingly weird …so say it anyway, I would.

3. You could let him know of your most recent bowel movements.

“The last poo wasn’t one of those hard ones, you know? It was bound to end up like this.”

I am always reassured that my anal will be a clean endeavour if the last poop I had was a hard one, you know, one of those poops that aren’t messy and most of the time disappear straight into the pipes …the phantom poop.

4. You could remind him that, after all, it is an arse hole.

Do not apologise for being a human being. Remind him that you just had anal, he should be more disgusted at himself.

5. You could offer him a gift, “Would you like a rusty trombone?”

Rim job and hand job all in one, what guy is not going to love this offer? If he thinks you’re joking, laugh as well. (But if I were you I would leave him alone forever, he obviously doesn’t take your skills seriously.)

6. Or if all else fails, pretend it’s his.

Humiliate the shit out of him… You’re welcome.

OneThing // Author

Life as a British female often carries harsh burdens like maintaining proper etiquette. But that's a little tricky considering I'm not of this Earth. Usually found in the gym, either building muscle or staring at it... I'll be the one dancing with my flies undone and burping without an apology. During my time as a promiscuous alpha female I have realised that some guys only want one thing, that being a relationship. http://instagram.com/slutizen_

One Comment to 6 Hilarious Ways to Handle an Anal Sex Mishap

  1. @onething you’ve outdone yourself. The featured image is art. I want it as my kitchen backsplash.

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