Some say college is a four year party, but we here at Slutty Girl Problems know that it’s so much more. College is the one time in your life when you can embrace freedom and irresponsibility. You can hook up with strangers, get blackout every weekend, do nearly anything you want with virtually no consequences, and still walk away with a piece of paper that says you’re smarter than everyone else, in Latin.
College is also the time to set goals – not goals like where you want to be in five years, but more like who you want to sleep with by then. It’s a time to write down everything you’d like to do, and check them off right after you do them, because you’re one black out away from forgetting it all.
Whether you’re a freshman just starting your college journey, or an experienced senior ready to tie up loose ends, this Ultimate College Bucket List will ensure you make the most of your college “career”. If you have a high score, we’d probably be best friends… and you should definitely write for Slutty Girl Problems.
To keep score:
- Count each completed item as 1 point.
- Bonus items are 3 points.
- Pro moves are 5.
- If you’re not sure if it counts, it probably doesn’t.
- Print out for your records and re-score every year.
Hooking Up
Who
[ ] With one person from each year, in one year.
[ ] With a graduate.
[ ] With one person from each fraternity.
[ ] With one person from each Sports Team.
[ ] Someone from the theatre department.
[ ] With a musician.
[ ] With a DJ.
[ ] Someone of the same sex. (Time to experiment!)
[ ] With a Townie, aka someone who lives in the area, but never went to your school.
When and Where
[ ] On a futon while “watching a movie”.
[ ] While one of your roommates is sleeping.
[ ] At a bar or club.
[ ] In the quad or lawn areas.
[ ] In a common area.
[ ] In an academic building or empty classroom.
[ ] In the middle of the football field.
[ ] In the library.
[ ] At formal.
[ ] On the bus on the way to or from an event.
[ ] In a full size bed. Finally.
It’s an Art Form
[ ] Have a one night stand. (Hit it and Quit it. Smash and Dash.)
[ ] Have your first Stride of Pride. (Haters call it the Walk of Shame.)
[ ] Wake up in a room you don’t recognize.
[ ] Sneak out of his bed, room, or house in the morning.
[ ] Sacrifice a piece of clothing to avoid seeing a one night stand again.
[ ] Be walked in on.
[ ] Walk in on someone else.
[ ] Pregnancy scare!
[ ] Hit on someone who’s “out of your league”.
[ ] Turn an asshole down, and put him in his place.
[ ] Become eskimo sisters with a friend.
[ ] Bonus: Have a threesome.
Drinking
[ ] Drink underage.
[ ] Chug a beer.
[ ] Take a shot.
[ ] Do a kegstand.
[ ] Win a game of beer pong.
[ ] Win a game of flip cup.
[ ] Realize everyone’s a winner when you’re drunk.
[ ] Complete a power hour.
[ ] Go to a themed party.
[ ] Celebrate Cinco de Mayo.
[ ] Participate in a bar crawl.
[ ] Day drink. Day drink. Day drink.
[ ] Tailgate a sports game, concert, parade, exam. Whatever.
[ ] Pregame like it’s the party.
[ ] Have a drunken cry. Or ten.
[ ] Throw up all night from drinking.
[ ] Survive your first hangover. (aka: Sleep all day in misery.)
[ ] Drunkenly confess your love to a crush.
[ ] Celebrate your 21st birthday, but go crazy on your 22nd.
[ ] Act like you know how to hold your liquor.
[ ] Get free drinks all night.
[ ] Hit on the bartender.
[ ] Act like you know how to bartend.
[ ] Spill your drink on someone.
[ ] Drunk text one of your parents.
[ ] Wake up with a drunken injury.
[ ] PRO MOVE: Get kicked out of a bar.
Smoking
[ ] Smoke weed.
[ ] PRO MOVE: With your RA, TA, or teacher.
[ ] Celebrate 4/20.
[ ] Wake and Bake.
[ ] Eat Brownies.
[ ] Smoke in your room.
[ ] Smoke hash.
[ ] PRO MOVE: Hook up with your drug dealer. (It has its benefits!)
Debauchery
[ ] Pull an all-nighter.
[ ] Sleep all day.
[ ] Skip an entire day of classes.
[ ] Skip a class more than you attend it.
[ ] Wear sweat pants or pajamas to class. (Because fuck it.)
[ ] Procrastinate until the last possible moment, and still get a good grade.
[ ] Walk out of an exam earlier than you expected, because you rocked it!
[ ] Walk out of an exam earlier than you expected, because you bombed it.
[ ] Join a bunch of clubs and never go to meetings, except when there’s free food.
[ ] Interrupt a campus tour. (Inappropriately.)
[ ] Throw an epic party.
[ ] Bonus: It gets shut down by the RA.
[ ] Throw a “Cheapest Way to Get Wasted” party (Franzia and Malt Liquor.)
[ ] Wear lingerie to a party.
[ ] Go streaking
[ ] Corrupt a freshman.
[ ] Chill on the roof of a building.
[ ] Black out during syllabus week.
[ ] Black out during finals week.
[ ] Bonus: Black out the night before your final.
[ ] Lose your phone, ID, and keys all in the same night.
[ ] Fall asleep outside.
[ ] Have a cliche’ Spring Break.
[ ] Pop a squat in public / outside because you just can’t make it home.
[ ] Get in trouble with campus police.
[ ] PRO MOVE: Perfect the art of not giving a fuck.
Novel Ideas
[ ] Make glowing neon liquor bottles with highlighters
[ ] Chalk your hair a crazy color.
[ ] Go to a rave.
[ ] Dance on a stripper pole.
[ ] Take advantage of $1 slices, cheap wings, and beer.
[ ] Have the perfect playlist for every occasion.
[ ] Tan on the lawn of your quad or academic row.
[ ] Befriend a member of campus security.
[ ] Graffiti or carve your name somewhere on campus that’s special to you.
[ ] Visit one of your friends, at a completely different school.
[ ] Snuggle in bed with your best friend all day.
[ ] Eat your weight in fro yo.
[ ] Spend an entire day watching movies.
[ ] Throw a fancy party.
[ ] Have a classy wine night with your girlfriends. (Franzia counts.)
[ ] Graduate.
[ ] PRO MOVE: Take chances, live it to the fullest, and look back with no regrets.
My score is 290. What’s yours?
(Total possible: 350)
