Every relationship experiences dry spells where sex just isn’t happening often enough for your libido. You want it and you want it bad, however, your partner isn’t making any moves. I hear many people complain about mismatched libidos or not having enough sex in general, and you shouldn’t be discouraged if they didn’t get turned on or he couldn’t get hard

Often, there’s a communication disconnect that slowly leads to less and less intimacy, until it can feel hard to get that fire started again at all. 

So, what can you do to remedy this situation and remedy it quickly? How can you channel your inner slut when there’s no sex in your relationship? Here are six ways to boost both of your libidos, and spark a sexy encounter to get the flames burning again.


A couple sitting in bed kissing and smiling.


1. Take The Initiative

Whatever you feel your “role” is in your relationship, there are no rules that say you can’t be the one to initiate sex or even just initiate the conversation about sex with your partner. Don’t let any sort of social norms put you in a box where you only feel comfortable when your partner is the one to initiate. It’s a two-way street!

In fact, confidence will likely arouse your partner (and is awesome for you too!). But how do you bring up a lack of sex in a relationship?

 A fear of rejection may be holding you back, but trust me, taking the initiative here is so empowering. Calling on your sexuality can bring your sex life immediately back to the Honeymoon Stage. It’s time to take control– maybe even release a little bit of your inner Dominatrix.


A woman laying on top of a man before sex.


2. Boost Your Erotic Aesthetic

The evening is winding down and you and your partner are going about your nighttime routine. 

Instead of grabbing your basic cotton underwear and your go-to oversized tee, put on some sexy lingerie and fishnets. Or put on anything that makes you feel confident and sexy— maybe nothing at all. Once you enter the bedroom, your partner will go from icy to hot AF in ten seconds. And not only will it turn them on, but you’ll also be feeling extra sexy knowing that you look super hot. That boost of confidence is a win-win!


A naked Barbie doll surrounded by carrots to resemble penises.


3. Experiment with Sexting

It’s 8 a.m. on a Monday and you just booted up your computer at work. You feel a low hum in your slightly engorged down-there regions because you want your partner so damn bad. After all, it’s been a while. Enough of the subtle hints, you have needs, baby.

Don’t hesitate to sext your partner at any time of the day. If you’re feeling super naughty, and you feel comfortable doing so, send a nude. It adds a sense of spontaneity and danger. You’ll go on a mini ego-trip once your partner sends you a sexy pic right back. Plus, it totally counts as foreplay!

This could be a time to explore your partner’s kinks to create new excitement. If you know about your partner’s intense foot fetish, send them a quick and sexy snap of your toes. Maybe you even have a sensual photo shoot together later that night to sell feet pics on Feet Finder.


Legs and feet stretched out in fishnet tights.


4. Play with Tempting Touch

It can be easy to forget that your partner thinks you are damn sexy and wants to feel your touch… especially if things have been hands-off for a while. 

A soft whisper in their ear with your lips grazing them will make your partner excited with anticipation. Then, explore new sensations and erotic touch, or get yourself going with a rub down while they begin to respond… and get excited too. 

Want to introduce an entirely novel sensation? Explore some erotic adult toys (including sex toys for men) to invite in a new frontier of pleasure.



5. Play with Yourself

There are several ways to pull this off when you want to get down and dirty with your partner, but here is one tried-and-tested, sexy AF option. 

While they are just drifting off to sleep, start rubbing and pleasuring yourself while moaning closely next to them with your writhing, naked body. Once they wake up from their stupor, they will want to be buried deep inside you. One perk to this indirect initiation is the quick orgasm, since you’ve already got yourself halfway, if not almost there.


Woman's hand fingering a cantaloupe.


6. Get a Mouthful

One surefire way to excite and surprise your partner is to wake them up with oral sex while they’re fast asleep. If you’ve discussed this before and it’s something you’re both interested in, this is the time to try it out. 

Use your mouth, lips, and tongue softly at first, as you don’t want to startle them awake, but once you feel them harden or get wetter in your mouth, you can start to explore faster tempos, pressure, and a more intense sensation. This will definitely lead to some good fucking that will keep you, and your partner, satisfied for days. 


 A naked Barbie doll giving a blow job to a small stuffed bear.


Take advantage of each of your primal urges, and your confident, sexual prowess to get what you desire. Show enthusiasm, never be embarrassed, be extremely creative, and don’t overthink it.

And, most importantly, never fear that you will be rejected. It’s totally okay and valid to not be on the same sexual page all the time. If you try these tips to satiate your yearnings, and your partner still doesn’t react, it’s worth talking about with your partner to see what is going on, and open up the door for deeper communication in the bedroom!