Erotica and romance novel author Jade May guides us through fantasy and storytelling to explore the nuances of kink, and power play all while challenging the conventional perception of BDSM, relationships, and feminism.
Jade intimately shares details of her past that have shaped her journey to the present moment. Amidst her battle with Crohn’s disease and numerous hospital stays, she discovered the world of erotic literature as both a means of escape and to understand and explore her own desires in fantasy, before bringing them alive in real life.
Through her work, she destigmatizes kink – affirming that kinks are not always linked to trauma or mental health issues, that submission and feminism can coexist, and that BDSM doesn’t have to be rough, inherently sexual, or “all or nothing”.
Kink Myths & How Erotica Helped Me Discover My Kinks
Lorrae: What was your inspiration to get into erotica and start to incorporate these sex positive messages and themes into your work?
Jade: I was actually diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at a very tender age of 13, right on the cusp of becoming a teenager and a woman.
For those who don’t know what Crohn’s disease is, it’s an inflammatory bowel disease that causes inflammation anywhere in our digestive tract, so anywhere from your mouth to your anus.
What happens is your immune system attacks your bowel, which makes the bowel wall thicken and cause inflammation, which causes narrowing. And that narrowing is called a bowel obstruction, and bowel obstructions are very, very painful. It usually results in hospitalization and you can spend a whole seven to 10 days in hospital.
If you’ve spent any time in hospital, you know that time seems to move differently there. It stands still. It’s absolutely excruciating. After complications after one of my surgeries, I spent two months in hospital. That just seemed never ending. One of my saving graces that helped me pass the time in hospital was reading.
When I was a teenager, it was all about fantasy. I loved anything with vampires and dragons and werewolves. Anything that helped me escape, it was about pure escapism.
As I got older, my preferences shifted to more mature things – epic romances. I loved reading spicy romances. And the spicier, the better. I absolutely loved devouring erotic romances. It was all eye opening for me.
I was eager and fascinated to learn about kinks – all different types of kinks. Submission, domination, praise, degradation, polymorphous, breeding kinks, anything. Nothing was off limits. It was all about exploration and escapism for me still, but it was of a different kind. Through this power of reading romance, I actually discovered what I like sexually and what I didn’t like by putting myself in the shoes of the heroine, empathizing with their plight and their struggles.
So, when I was ready to step back into the real world, I knew what to look for, and more importantly, what to ask for in a partner. It helped me rediscover my femininity, and it helped me embrace these newly discovered desires.
This is what essentially inspired me to become an author, to provide this escapism for others. To provide an avenue to explore desires and kinks in a safe place.
If my writing can help just one woman reclaim parts of her sexuality and make them feel good about themselves by escaping through the pages, then that’s an absolute dream come true for me.
Lorrae: That is so beautiful. I love that so much and how fantasy, reading, media, and art can really be this escape both for the creator and for those indulging in it and enjoying it.
It reminds me how, in many ways, kink itself gets to be an escape from our everyday, from our routine. We get to experience these thrills or pain or situations in a consensual, safe setting.
And I know in your latest book, Tempted by Eden, you’re exploring different sexual kinks. You mentioned praise and degradation and all these ways that we get to explore play and pleasure. But degradation might not be something that we want in the real world. Then, when we have it in a kinky setting, we’re like, “ooh, that hits my buttons.”
What are some of the kinks that you love to include in your writing and in your latest book? Or are there any misconceptions and myths that you’re aiming to debunk?
Jade: What I want people to take away is that kink is an erotic choice you make and it’s normal. It’s not the result of mental illness or from past trauma.
I’m a firm believer that everybody has some sort of kink even when they deny it, something that they go to in their head to help get themselves off.
I also hear from a lot of women that, if they engage in BDSM and if they’re submissive, you are no longer a feminist. And for me, that’s just a whole lot of crap. You can still submit to your partner and be a feminist. And it doesn’t matter whether your partner is male, female, trans or non-binary.
Submission is an erotic choice. It’s a sexual preference. And it involves consent and communication. And it’s about having your needs heard and met. That’s one of the values of feminism, right? It’s the right to choose.
And as you said before, Tempted by Eden includes some BDSM and it plays in degradation. I created the world of Eden, which is essentially a kinky brothel. It’s a place for people to engage in kinks in a safe place. The two main characters are Cora and James, and they do engage in those kinks that you mentioned.
I actually had someone reach out to me and say they really love the story, but the characters’ relationship wasn’t a traditional BDSM relationship. That’s kind of the point because there are no hard and set rules when it comes to relationships, whether it’s a traditional monogamous relationship or it’s a BDSM relationship. That’s what I wanted to really embrace with Cora and James.
When it comes down to kinks and sexual preferences and romance novels, we’ve all heard this, but never yuck someone’s yum. In saying that, as long as the kink is safe, sane, consensual, and legal, then there’s no problems with anybody’s kinks.
Lorrae: I totally agree. Reading erotica and even sexy comics can transport you into these new dimensions to see sexuality through a new lens.
And when I think about the realms of possibility, it’s wild to me that you mentioned that somebody said it’s not a traditional BDSM relationship. Because what is a traditional BDSM relationship? You get to set your own rules, your boundaries.
Some people want a 24/7 dynamic. Some people want it maybe a few times a month, or maybe they’re into that all the time in the bedroom, but they don’t want that to come out of the bedroom. So people can really choose their own adventure, and being able to write about it helps to challenge all of these norms.
The Global Demand for Erotica and Purity Culture
Lorrae: Have you noticed that folks have had a certain response to writing about kinks and erotica? In America, we still face a lot of different stigma and shame and taboos surrounding sexuality. It’s a very purity-based culture and kink is starting to become more open.
There’s more media about it, but a lot of the media doesn’t represent consent very well or discussions about boundaries and limits.
How do you feel that the culture is different in Australia and how can our art and representations of this can help to debunk those myths and set the record straight?
Jade: Unfortunately, I would love to say that it’s different in Australia, but it’s just not. It’s still the same. It’s still very conservative.
I feel like everybody is reading romance and particularly erotic romance, yet nobody’s talking about it. Erotic romance is huge. It’s the best-selling genre. I looked this up yesterday.
The genre is the most profitable category on Amazon and it’s sitting at around 1.44 billion US. So there’s a massive market for it. There’s a massive appetite for it.
And why is it so popular? I mean, it offers escapism. It’s a respite in a world that can just feel so overwhelmingly negative and challenging. And it offers this sexual liberation and self-discovery.
Lorrae: Yeah, I honestly feel that way in so many ways about the partnerships that we choose too. We get to choose to have fulfilling sexual experiences and partnerships that light us up and friendships that give more to our lives.
It’s choosing to welcome in more pleasure and connection and knowing that things don’t have to be so hard because life is hard enough as it is. We deserve to have these escapes and people around us and sexual experiences that feel fulfilling and meaningful and bring more into our lives.
Jade: Yeah, absolutely. And as you said before that Tempted by Eden does include degradation and it may not be your thing,, but that’s only one story. There is a whole fictional world out there with so many different kinks to experience. If that’s not your kink, like there are so many erotic romances out there that you can try
Lorrae: What are some of the key messages or takeaways that you really want readers to gain from the role of kink in their lives and intimate relationships?
I know we talked about some of the myths and stigmas, so certainly rewriting that, but how can people take these ideas and start implementing them into their own lives by being more open and communicating and anything that they get from these fantasy worlds?
Jade: For me personally, the main message that I want people to take away is that, for women in particular, submission and feminism can coexist because I think that’s a fear that holds a lot of women back especially when it comes to BDSM. And I think that needs to just be talked about more often and be exposed in the media.
Lorrae: Yeah, I lean submissive and I think that it’s actually a really powerful place.
I don’t want to be submissive with strangers or if I was doing various forms of sex work, I would rather play a dominant role, but in a super safe, trusting relationship or connection I love being submissive and it feels like a lot of power is actually in me to say I like this and I don’t like this. I get to control how I want the scene to go for me.
As long as you have that safety and established trust, it feels like a really empowering place.
Feeling Sexy With Crohn’s Disease
Lorrae: You mentioned that you’ve been super open in your work about Crohn’s disease and also how we relate to ourselves as erotic beings when navigating health issues. And while I don’t have Crohn’s disease, it is close to my heart because my own physical and mental health issues have absolutely impacted how I show up in the world as a sexual being and how confident or sexy I feel from day to day.
So I’m curious how that has impacted or affected your sexuality and sexual expression and the ways that you’ve overcome it to really reclaim your body and your sexuality.
Jade: It has had a significant impact on my self-esteem and body image and my sex drive.
In my teenage years, in my 20s, I hated the way my body looked. It was riddled with surgical scars and during that time there was absolutely no immediate representation of women with scars or disabilities.
Only now we’re kind of starting to see women of various shapes and sizes in media and ethnicities, but still nobody with surgical scars or disabilities or heaven forbid a colostomy bag. It just doesn’t happen.
It’s taken me a very long time to process the trauma of my illness, especially after nearly dying from one of my surgeries. And improving your self-esteem and your body image and quieting that little negative self-talk, it takes a lot of hard work.
It takes time and it takes consistent effort. And it doesn’t happen overnight. It can take years. And I honestly believe that you can’t do it on your own, that you need professional help.
But all that hard work is worth it because you’re worth it and everybody deserves intimacy, whether it’s physical or it’s emotional. And maintaining a satisfying sex life is difficult at the best of times.
And when you add in a serious illness like Crohn’s disease or a mental illness, you’re just faced with a whole new set of challenges. And let me tell you there is absolutely nothing sexy about abdominal pain and bloating and diarrhea. There is nothing that makes you feel less sexy than bloating and the need to find a bathroom in a hurry.
Having the courage to have a sex life can be really overwhelming when you have a fear of actually having a bowel accident during sex, during an erotic counter, when it’s constantly playing on your mind.
It can take you out of the moment because you’re no longer focused on your pleasure or your partner. And it’s very hard to reach orgasm when you’re constantly thinking, “Oh my God, I think I need to go to the bathroom,” or “I hope I don’t have an accident.”
I find that somehow society views people with a disability or a chronic illness as someone being asexual, so someone who doesn’t experience sexual feelings or desires. We’re not seen as having the same needs or yearnings like everyone else.
We need physical connection just like everybody else.
Lorrae: That’s such an important message and it truly is a journey to start that reclamation and it’s a journey every day. As I battle with mental and physical pain, just moving through those every day and trying to find new tools.
It can be a lot of work and a daily process, but it really is about the ways that we invite pleasure in so many different ways. So many people think that sexuality is just penetration or that it needs to look a certain way, but I always love to broaden that scope. How can we see pleasure as more than just sex, from enjoying the different sensations on our body to maybe not even reaching orgasm, but just feeling that intimate connection?
Magic Wands and Erotic Fantasy as Self-Pleasure
Lorrae: We’ve been talking a lot about the Magic Wand and how it’s been a cultural icon of pleasure. So I’m curious about your thoughts on how we can incorporate tools like toys and the Magic Wand and other implements to be able to expand pleasure in our relationships and our sexuality?
Jade: Self-pleasure goes hand-in-hand with erotic romance, doesn’t it? One of the reasons why people read it is essentially to get off, to get their rocks off. Using the Magic Wand and other tools is essentially another tool to help you discover what you like sexually and what you don’t like. It’s exactly the same as erotic romance.
If you’re pairing that together, you know, you’re adding another dimension to help stay sexually connected with your partner.
The Magic Wand and other sex toys are particularly useful for me when I’m writing kinks. I’ve just finished writing a particularly spicy scene where the female main character has performed self pleasure for her male partner. She’s basically masturbating with the Magic Wand and he’s not allowed to touch or to move, all he has to do is watch her perform.
Lorrae: That is so hot. I love that scene. There’s like that power play and control of not getting to do anything. Just watch me. It’s so hot.
It reminded me of when I think about the magic wand, it can also be used in BDSM for like forced orgasm play and the intensity of a toy that can heighten all of your senses. It’s so strong. It’s so powerful.
In this episode, Jade shares her intriguing behind-the-scenes experience working at the call center of a high-class escort agency, unveiling a concealed yet bustling world where men may tend to seek emotional connection over mere physicality, and while women often called in a companion to feel desired and boost their confidence. As she weaves her experiences and insights from the industry into her romance writing, she also explores various gateways to pleasure – sharing her perspective on using the Magic wand to discover sexual preferences, or simply to relax and unwind.
This episode is a fascinating exploration of kink, intimacy, the intricacies of human desires, and how we explore them in our fantasies *and* in real life.
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